This Is My Curse

Fuck it, I am gonna write about it. I was flirting with a thought if I should or shouldn’t make a post about it, but it looks like it’s not gonna leave my mind anytime soon. And even though it is very personal, I feel like you already know a lot when it comes to what goes through my mind, thus what I am going thruuu. So here we go.

I feel like there is something new, like a new experience or a habit of some sort, that you have to learn/build in every one of your incarnations. And I guess my current one is to learn how to be on my own. There is too many people leaving from my life, both alive and dead. Or maybe it’s my curse from my previous incarnations. As Paulo Coelho was talking about in one of his books called “Aleph”, he was haunted by something he was responsible for in one of his previous lifes in his next ones. And I feel like there is something wrong when it comes to me and other people who are a part of my life. Because that “being part” suddenly becomes “being apart” at one point or the other.

I was writing about this in one of my very first articles. But something similar happened to me again couple of days ago. A person that was very close to me decided that he doesn’t want to include himself in my life anymore. And it hurt again. And it was difficult. It is difficult, when people pack all their things and move on, but they still stay in your head with all of their shit still unmoved, because you don’t even understand why did it happen.

You know, I feel like I am definitely not a bad person. I am not a bad friend. I know that. I never have intentions of hurting other people, I try to be as kind as I can be. Of course I sometimes make mistakes, but I don’t think that those small things or actions are the reason why people feel like they should go. I think there must be a deeper meaning.

When I asked them to tell me the reason, their answer was: “I don’t know.”ย They don’t know… and I don’t know either. But it is like that. And I kinda feel like it is my “curse” or something I have to learn in my current life. It is difficult. But well… a lot of things in life are difficult. I am just gonna try to take it easy. I’ve already been doing that. Trying to live like life is a game. And I am just a little player. One in billions. And everyone has shit to deal it. This was mine.

Thanks for spending a minute or two with me. It means a lot. Talk to you soon. โค

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