Hi peaceful souls. I have taken a couple of days off, as I was feeling a bit under the weather. But I have decided I am gonna talk about it and possibly get myself back on the right track.
For the past few days, I have started to feel very unsure. I felt unbalanced and uninspired. I tried to write few times, but I simply couldn’t. I was just closing this window with a bit of anger, or maybe the better word would be – frustration. I couldn’t get out anything out of myself, I wasn’t even thinking. There was no inspiration at all. A creative block.
And then yesterday… Yesterday it hit me. I had a kind of mental breakdown, where I just couldn’t stop making myself guilty. I knew that I’m not failing, because there is a piece of hope very deep in my heart now, a feeling I can’t truly describe. But I just felt like I am stuck in this state of mind, where nothing made sense. I didn’t wanna do anything, the only thing I wanted to do is not feel. So I did that the first day. I was quite okay with that, just telling myself that I have to relax sometimes too (as I mentioned in one of my previous articles). This doesn’t usually happen to me though, I know when it’s time to recharge. But this time it was different.
The next day came and to my surprise, I was feeling still the same. I started to feel the tension, but I still tried to tell myself, that there is another day ahead – my day off my normal work, when I can spend my time working on my brand “another stardust” all day. But when that day came, I spent it in the same shitful state of mind. By the evening, it was too much. I hid myself in my room, closed the curtains and talked with the universe. I wanted to feel everything again, I wanted to go through the worst feeling, just to clear myself out of it. So I spent few hours like that, just trying to feel the worst to feel the best again. And I kind of did it.
Today I woke up, even though much later than I would normally want to, but I guess both my body and mind just needed some recovery. I cleaned my apartment, made delicious healthy cookies, meditated with aquamarine and celestine while listening to my favourite 528 Hz healing frequency, did a strawberry face mask and then worked a bit with my tarot cards. Now I am back here, writing and writing, words just slipping out of my sleeve like nothing. Yesterday I couldn’t even write 2 sentences. I can also see a spider hanging right above my computer, which if you didn’t know – is a guardian of writers.
Even though I get on my website often very personal, I still want to share this part of my journey with you all. I want you to know, that even though I might for some of you seem like a strong and balanced person, it’s not always like that. There is always times, when it all just starts to be a bit too much and I have to switch myself off. So when I’m not here for a couple days in the future, you will know why. I have to take some time to recover, to gain my inspiration back.
See you very soon stardusts. Stay grateful. ❤